Chapter 24

i felt like i needed a break from everything..
i decided to switch off my phone for few days yimkin i feel better!
i switched my phone w 7asait ib ra7aa istanst it's felt good!!

khadamtyy dashait 3alayy!
pinky: mama says go down,your family here! zwara zwara
me: okkayy
3adalt sh3ryy w nizlt wila ashouf ib wayhe jassem..i was in a good relaxed mood so i smiled at him and he smiled back..ti3ashana together and everyone started laughing and talking! i just sat there looking at them,didn't feel like talking or anything.

faj2a noor tis2al: wain ur phone ajwann?
me: i switched it off for few days!
w gimt khathait telephone il bait w 6il3t ag3ad bil 7adee8a shwy before she gets the chance tis2al why!

dagait 3ala yasmine..
*yasmine: she's in my old school,bs kilish malha shi'3il ib a7ad! mat7ib il mashakil w it7ib il dirasa*
me: alu yasmino shlonich!
yasmine: hala hala:p 7amdila entay shlonich?
me: wala mit'6ayga my cousin iygoul *** 9ayreen yitkalmon 3aini w iy6al3oon kalam!:(
yasmine: LAAAAA shakooo! ma7ad yitkalam 3ainich! 9ayreen yitkalmon 3an Dana hathy!
*she made me feel so much better*
me: aham shay Dana al *****??
yasmine : ee lay6oufich shimsawya...
oo ga3dna insolif for hours! ba3dain sakrta awal ma lafait wila ib wayhe jassem.

me: hala jassem?
jassem: zain '6i7ktay 3a6teena wayhh:p
me: * i laughed*
jassem: it9adgeen ri7t this expo wila bint til7gne w yatle galati hi ana ismi fay al ***** 3ady as2lik so2al? ent cousin ajwan? chan agoulaha ee chan itgool wai3333 hathe ajwan il kil yitkalam 3ainha tara wa9kha! ana kint amshyy wyaha in school bs wakhrt 3anhhaa oo ashwa '3yrt her school, zain ma 6agat'ha 6rag gitlaha e7trmay nafsich w mishat! oo ashwa ma kint wiya rab3yy
me: *i laughed* kilish mu hamnyy!!!!!!:D jad i don't care bs tara ma3rifha w awal mara asm3 ib ismha ..* but i was dying in the inside,i don't even know this girl..how come galat chithyy 3aini? should i talk to her? oo shlon bo9alaha?:s*

ri7t seedaa dagait 3ala yasmine!
me: yasoom 6albtich
yasmine: shtabeen?-.- banaaam
me: abe ra8am fay al ******
yasmine: ******* hatha ra8mha oo tara ihya tamshy wiya fatima fa dirbalich!
*fatima used to be my bestfriend bs faj2a we stopped talking and she seemed like she hates me alot*
me: okk byee

so dagait 3alaiha and this what happens
me: hi fay! ana ajwan
fay: khair
me: awal shayy 3adlay isloubichh:* thane shay ana ma a3rfich wala it3rfeene shaku itgouleen chithi 7ag my cousin??
fay: ana hatha ilee sam3ta wallah! la7tha ur cousin shgalich?
me: galee ... * and i told her everything he told me*
fay: umbaii ajwan wallah la:o wallah jad la:o ana ilee gilta ina il kil yitkalam 3ainha bs ma gilt shay thane w ohwa gal khatwale!
me: umm fay his my cousin why would he lie?
fay: i have no idea:/ bs kil il banat iygouloon ohwa iychathib wayed
me: hmm! okk sim3ay ana mabeech titkalmain 3aini anymore li2ne la a3rfich wala it3rfeene oo ana ma hamne shnu ur friends ilee tamsheen wiyahom iygouloon 3ainii okk? bye
fay: ok bye

i felt strong for a minute! awal mara adafi3 3an nafsyy! i felt happy and sad at the same time.
happy cus daf3t 3an nafsy w ma khift!
sad cus madry who to believe :s they both seem like telling the truth..bs one of them is lying..

who do you think it is?
fay or jassem?
ask.fm/thepasthurts

Chapter 23

i looked up wila it's wahab!!!!:O
*reminder: wahab okhou my ex girlfriend ilee she's so mean w kharibt my life*
wahab said my name and looked at me..
i walked out oo rikbt il sayara! it was kinda weird:/ haven't seen him since 2010!

finally after 1 hour wi9lt il bait! salamt 3ala omii w ubooyy oo 9a3dt daryy!
ofcourse ma a3rif i don't check faisal's twitter lazem i stalk him!
faisal's tweets:
"law itrou7 yam il gomar atba3k ya a'3la bashar!"
i thought of stop stalking him! it's for the better!

dashait whatsapp wila ashouf il group dalool w raouj gargaa!
dalool: i hate saturdays
ratouj: ee 7ada-.- brb ana basawi sh3ryy straight
^a7ibhom wallah 3ajeebeen!

faj2a i get a whatsapp from a weird number!
someone: hala hala ib ajwan!
me: mnu?
someone: ana wahab;)
me: shtabe?
wahab: shfeech yal 8awiya?
me: la jad shtabe?? how did you get my new number??
wahab: i got it from ur friend ;p
me: wahab bye!!
wahab: if you block me shoufay shr7 asawyy feech

i felt fucked up madry shsawe! problems always seem to follow me..everywhere i go..7asait wedyy akasir my phone!!!!

me: okk wahab shtabe?
wahab: abe wa7da min ur friends ismha farah al *****
me: no way!
wahab: abeeha ya3ny abeeha
me: go talk to her ana shaku feek i won't help you..
*farah al ***** is one of the richest families in kuwait and you can say she's popular"
wahab: okk bye
i didn't answer and blocked him..

a week passed by and nothing changed.
faj2a i get a twitter mention from "someonesays"
mention: someonesays dear ajwan gitlich i will ruin your life. your done.

then i get a whatsapp from farah:
farah: entay mu kafu:* w 9ij laman galaw ile iymashy ajwan sim3ta tikhtirib
me: shsawatlich??
farah: entay tadreen,bye

first thing popped up in my mind was WAHAAAAAAB!!!!!!!!!!!!
i didn't want to talk to him so ma sawait shayy=( just sat there 7adyy mit'6ayga!

Chapter 22

this chapter is for you A:p
i woke up in such a bad mood! dagait 3ala omyy
me: alu hala yoma shlonichh?
mama: zaina w entayy?
me: zaina,yoma khal il driver iye yakhithne mabe ag3ad akthar bs malait!
mama: 3sa ma shar feech shayy?
me: la wallah yoma bs mishtagtlich
mama: khair :p
me: hehe yallah mama ashoufichh bye bye
sakart il kha6 w i got my bag ready gilt ag3ad shwy 3al ba7ar!
a group of boys passed by and all i heard was " ee hathy ajwan al flani ilee kanat ib ***"
i didn't even look backk. felt screwed up!

raju miss called me! that means wi9al:p
me: byee noor ana rada il bait!
faj2a jassim yi6la3 ib wayhe
jassem: wain wain?
me: rada il bait
jassem: min9ijich?
me: ee min9iji barid il bait mabe ag3ad
and i pushed him and walked off! i felt bad ina shloni treated him bs male khilg a7ad!!!

me: raju 7i6 99.7
awal ma 7a6ha wila one of my fav song is on! jessie j - who you are

"I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
"Why am I doing this to myself?"
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no..."

it explains me 7ail a7ibha!!!!!! male khilg amsik my phone so khalata ib my bag:p

nizlt starbucks bayeeb a drink before going home! wila ashouf some haters they gave me that stupid look..i didn't even look back oo ana 6al3a i bumped into...

Chapter 21

i decided ma anzil ou ag3ad ib daryy..
time was passing oo ana ga3da alone in my room oo asm3 music,thought of opening my askk to check itha fee new questions and i get:

ya7lalich im9a7ba your cousin=))
tara *** (name of my school) kilhom yadroun it7ibeen your cousin!
bitch gi6ee3aa!
khara feechhhhh=))
im9a7ba alf wa7id?
kaak m3indich rabi3

i just looked at the questions and didn't answer any..wow ana the new haba ib my old school?=)):s they started talking about me again? wai3 mara7 iykhaloone ib 7alyy khal asakir askk abraklee! i closed ask.

faj2a my friend whatsapp me! her name is latifa she's in my old school oo a3rifha since kg.
latifa: heyy ajwan umm please abeech itsa3deene..
me:shfeech la6ouf:o ee sure?
latifa: i lost all my friends in *** :( look bagoulich min awal shayyy..ana kint a7ib wa7id w ohwa hadne chan a9eer wiya his best friend w laman hadat his best friend 9irt wiya my cousin w 6il3 my cousin iy3rifhom both so hadne:( oo laman gilt 7ag my friends 9araw iygouloon wakhray 3anhom gitlhom i did bs ma 9adagoone ajwan please help ga3deen iy6al3oon rumours 3aini:( MABE IY9EER NAFS ILEE 9AR FEECH AJWAN HELPPPP!!
me: khala9 la6ouf haday haday:* mara7 iy9eer shay love bs tara entay ilee sawaitee '3ala6 w dont worry ana akalim ur friends w afhimhom may9eer iysawoon chithi bs la it3eedeen il '3ala6a enzain <3?
latifa: thankyou ajwan jad entay a true friend w ma tistahleen sh9ar wiyachhh;**

ri7t bakalim one of latifa's friends she was sweet oo nice oo kina friends her name is Asma
me: hala asma shlonich!
asma: hala feechh zaina youu?
me: 7amdila! asma shg3id iy9eer wiya latifa tara 7aram:(!
asma: laish ihya shagalt?
me: *gitlaha ishgalat*
asma: CHATHABA HATHYYY! ajwan wallah hathyy mitkalma 3ainich oo itgoul ana mit2kda 3ashan mishat wiya ajwan 9irt chithy w ka ajwan hatha prove shoufayyy *sending capture*
me: umbayy? okk thanks love

so i started a chat with latifa again..
me: latifa? 9idmtenee u said this w 7a6atay il siba foug rasy w ana bas2dich? oo a3rfich cham sina? bs what can i say '3air allah iysam7ich 6il3tay mu kafu!
latifa: la la walla fahmtne '3ala6!!! they forced me ajwan they did
me: LOL u want me to believe u? why would they force you? go away jad 6il3ay min 7ayaty! i had enough with u and ur fake friends:*
latifa: but dalal and asma galaw ina 9a7 kila min ajwan..
i just skipped her and blocked her from twitter and whatsapp.
she started annoying me and calling me, i didn't answer cus male khilg mashakil! ilee feeni kafeene:(

then i noticed asma and dalal blocked me from twitter&whatsapp too!
7asait everything was going wrong..7asait nothing ever went right..rumours 3ainyy again,i miss faisal,fake friends everywhere. i felt brave ina i still "fake a smile":(

i started crying until i fell asleep..

Chapter 20

ga3dt the next day at 10 with a smile on my face libst my training juicy w nizlt ta7t!

me: goodmorning jasseemmm!

jassem: goodmorning!

he didn't seem fine 7asait fee shayy..

me: jassem shfeek?

jassem: makuu

me: la adryy feek shayy goul goul shfeek?

jassem:tabeen inrou7 starbucks for breakfast w bakalmich ib salfa

me: okayy dokyyy

ga3dna ib starbucks w 6ilbt my drinkk! jassem ga3id jidamyy!

jassem: sim3ayy ajwan u remember shlon ib ur old school ma7ad iykalmichh oo shlon they hate you ? ana mu 8a9di ajri7ich wala shay ajwan oo mabe ashouf a tear bs entay tathkireen? oo il rumours w hal sowlif

me: ee..

jassem: well sim3ay lail7een yitkalam 3ainich oo makhtheen fikra 3ainich ou lail7een iygouloon bitch oo im9a7ba alf wa7idddd oo ilee yamshyy wiyach sim3ta mu zaina min hal kalam il zift!

me: okay ana barid il shalaihh;p

and i just walked away. day actually ruined. it's weird how they still talk about mee! not only them but other people too! like nearly all of kuwait and it's been 4 years now!!!!!! i lost MANY MANY friends from this! aku girls iykhafoon yamshoon wiyay iygouloon mabe sim3t'hom tikhtirib :s w il boys mu imkhaleene ib 7allyyy:'( .. should i kill myself? i would want to do it if it's not 7aram bs sadly it issss:( EVERYTHING SEEMS WRONG! it just does! i don't want to live but if i killed myself..madry should i? and i started going crazy thinking about killing myself!

theennn i got a whatsapp!

jassem: ajwan mara7 tanzileen il ba7ar ilyoum?

me: noo!

jassem: okk

i didn't feel like talking to anyone..7asait i just need a hug.

faj2a someone knocks the door!

me: mnuuu?

noor: ana noor ba6layy!

me: zain yaitayy:p? 

noor: LOL nizlay il ba7ar tara faisal minak wiya jassem w imnazleen il jetsss! 

me: afakir cus 7adyy daykhaa-.-

i wasn't really daykha bs ana mabe maly khilgg! ouu '6ayeg khilgyyy bs mabe awareeha ina feeni shayy cus kil my family say aksir il kha6ir w ma a7ibb a7ad iygoul chithyyy!

Chapter 19

guess chapter 18 isn't the last post 7ag 2012:p

yait noor oo her friends oo rikbna wiya il driver!
jassem ga3id jidam yam il driver ou ana bil'6ab6 wara!
jassem: rou7 shalaih babo
noor was so happy ina her friends ray7een wiyaha il shalaih ma kalimtne wayed kila wiya her friends-.-
it was kinda boring! oo aku one of her friends kila itkhiz jassem:/

finally wi9lna!!!!!!
ri7t foug w badalt to blue shorts w white shirt w nizlt
7assait ina biykoun boring madryy laish!
i tweeted : shalaih
faj2a alage whatsapp from joud
joud: entayy bil shalaih?:o
joud is one of my fav people in this world! she's so funny,pretty and so in love.
me: ee ee ta3alay 7ail malal:(
joud: la 7ada fashla!!!!-.- entayy ta3alay ana bs okhouy bil shalaih
me: okayy 20 mins w ayeech!

libst my toms w gilt 7ag noor barou7 7ag my friend and she said okayy kilish mu hamha:p
i went to joud's shalaih!
joud: a7medo ana batmasha wiya ajwan!
a7med: enzain bs laman adig 3alaich itrideen oo sa3a 10 entay bil shalaih fahma? ana rayi7 il gahwa
joud : okkk
it's so cute! abee okhoo kbeer:(
6ab3an sowlif joud kila 3an her love!!!! but it was so cute shlon it7iba w ohwa iy7ibha w lail7een maykalmoon ba3'6 they say it's early..
we got hungry minkithir ma mishana! ri7na mac kalaina w 6il3na! awal ma ba6alt il bab shift jassem wiya faisal w some guys in my school..
me: joud emshayy ibsir3aa w latlifeen wayhich
mishana 3al saree3 w joud then laughed at me shlon ikhtr3t!
i started thinking..umbayyy:O jassem w faisal friends? w both bil shalaih:O madryy shasawyy!!! khayfa iygoula shayy:( umbayy what if iygoula shayy! aw iy6ali3 7achy! okay 7ady mikhtar3a!
joud: yallah ajwan ana ray7a my shalaih
me: okayy byeee
i didn't even tell her ashoufich later or gi3day i was overthinking..madry shasawyy!!
dashait il shalaih ma kan fee '3air il khadama 7atan noor ma kanat-.-
i stayed ib my shorts oo shirt!
ga3dt a6ali3 tv oo maska my phone akalim my friends

faj2a jassem dash il shalaih he looked at me! a7is ma yabe iyshoufne w ma yabeene a9lan akoun wiyahom bil shalaih so i decided a6la3 ag3ad bara..ba6lt il bab
jassem: wain ray7a?
ana: batmasha
jassem: agoul gi3day bs gi3day it's 1
ana: so tara noor mu mini
jassem: adryy ray7a itnam 3ind her friend rawan omha tawa yait il shalaih
ana: ok shsawe ya3ny? ba6la3
jassem: ma tifhimeen entay?
3ndt w 6il3t for a second tithakart shlon ana w faisal use to fight oo shlon kan rasy yabis

ga3dt 3al ba7ar wila ashouf jassem beside me
jassem: entay wa7da 3needa w tara mane zafich ena kintay wiya faisal bs abeech tinsaina li2na mu khoush wa7id w ana akhaf 3alaich w entayy tadreen akhaf 3alaich w a7ibich 9a7 ajwan?
me: ee i'm sorry! *tears*
i'm the kind abchyy ibsir3a w 3ala ay sibab!!!
jassem: hey entay ya khara mabe ashouf dam3a! ma 3ash min z3lich w ana 7ayyy!!!
i smiled!
jassem: goulele sh9ar bil '6abt
we started talking w gitla kilshayy!
meanwhile i felt sleepy so gitla :yallah ana badish il shalaih w banam!
jassem: yallah goodnight!

faisal's shalaih kan yam shalaihna wila ashoufa ga3id bil balcony w shafna sitting together.. i just didn't care this time.

Chapter 18

Goodbye 2012
thankyou for the pain and lessons..
hello 2013
Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book. write a good one.
&don't ever think of looking back.
happy new year! enjoy it!!xo
guess it's my last post in 2012..


it was weird how he looked at me china imsawee shayy! awal ma 6il3t min il detention i checked my bag madryy 7asait ga6 a note or maybe something. i found..nothing.

i got a whatsapp from my cousin jassem
jassem: im3athil,jameel and his 17
jassem: shsalfat faisal madrstkom wa9elee khabar??
well ma gitlkom jassem iy7ibne w iykhaf 3alay w i don't keep secrets 3ala but i couldn't tell him i was in a relationship:/
me: shfee? hatha ib our school
jassem: kintay wiya ha?
i couldn't lie.
me: ee bs i did a mistake w many 3aydat'ha wallah:(
jassem saw it bs ma rad..
that was weird cus ohwa iyzif w 3a9abyy 7ail:/

faj2a omyy dashait 3alay!
mama: ajwano,noor itgoul rou7ayy sleepover 3indhom!
i just looked at her. i was kinda freaked out cus noor bint khaltyy ikht jassem.
mama: tabeen itrou7een wiya il driver wila agi6ich? cus ana w khaltich ray7een shopping.
me: la 3adyy yoma arou7 wiya il driver w barou7 starbucks shwy
mama: 5alaa9 zain

7a6at ib my bag 2 pjama's w a swimming suit cus 3indhom a huge pool
then my phone rings!
me: alo hala noor
noor: ajwano yibay wiyach training ba3ad binrou7 il shalaih for 5 days
me: enzain bs wiya mino?
noor: jassem w my 2 friends oo ba3ad my sister
me: okayy khaltyy mona mu yaya wiyana?
noor: ra7 til7agna 3gub bacher
me: okkk byee
sakrta w i got ready to go! ri7t gilt 7ag pinky itnade il driver!

chan ou9al bait khaltyy!:D
ma kan fee a7ad bil 9ala so gilt a93ad foug ashouf wain noor! 7atan noor ma kanat mawjooda:/
faj2a yi6la3 ib wayhe jassem! labis boxers!'.'
jassem: entay shitsaween mini?
me: shal isloub?
jassem: la jad shitsaween? noor ra7at itmour her friends wiya babo
me: ohh okayy! ana yaya wiyakom il shalaih
jassem looked at me and walked away china mu 3jba

nizlt ta7t w ga3dt bil 9ala! dagat 3ala noor 3ashan ashouf wainha galat she needs atleast 20 mins 3ashan to9al il surra!