chapter 26

ratouj: ajwano libsayy oo moray dalool khanrou7 insawyy our nails bil salon.
i got ready oo marait dalal..
as we were doing our nails..
Dalal: ajwan my cousin yabe iykalmich,iygoul fee salfa mohima?
i took her phone as i see the chat:
omar: dalal give ur phone to ajwan.
me: hala omar it's ajwan?
omar: sim3ay ajwan..
me: ...
omar: entay tadreen faisal ma hadich 3ashan his new girlfriend
me: 3yal?
omar: magdar agoulich
me: please goule?
omar: la sorry
me: khali9ne:s *i was about to cry*
omar: shfeech shfeech!
me: can i please know sh9ayr?
omar: ohwa sami3 7achi min 9bayan oo banat madristich il 8adeema oo ohwa 9adag.
me: like shnu gayleen???
omar: nayma wiya boys,itdizeen pics,im9a7ba wayed 9bayan
*tears falling down*
ratouj sa7bt the phone
dalal oo ratouj started talking to me and saying that ma yistahel oo min hal kalam..
i just looked at them and didn't answer back..i didn't feel like talking or saying a single word..

ALL I WANTED WAS TO DIE I SWEAR THATS ALL I WANTED.

i went back home directly up to my room switched off the lights closed my phone and started listening to music.
i didn't want to talk to anyone,i didn't even want to eat.

chapter 25

heyy xo i'm so sorry ina faj2a i stopped writing oo my twitter sakar:( few things went wrong but i promise no one will stop me from writing now:D
i miss youu kilkom! sawait new account oo i will start writing cus it's the only thing that makes me feel better.
love you x
------
so guys i decided to write a post everytime something happens! check this chapter and tell me what do u think!
ohhh & everyone voted that it was fay who is lying :o but we still don't know the truth.



ga3dt in the morning to sleepy male khilg school but i had to go-.-...time passed slowly.
it's the last lesson oo ana oo ratouj kilish malna khilgD; so gilna we skip islame:D
me:ratouj ana barou7 ayeeb may oo entayy stay bil7amam okk?
ratouj: okk mu it6waleen
i walked down the stairs and i saw FAISAL:(:( he stopped and looked at me..
it's like he wanted to say something..
i got the water oo ran up stairs *told ratouj everything!*
ratouj: ajwan let me see the last chat between you two,entayyyyy jrbty itkalmene mo?? bs mu mihtam 9a7?
me: eeeh:'( *gave her my phone*
the chat:
me: i know you don't wanna talk anymore and 9irt lazga i won't lie i miss youu i shouldn't tell you this bs i cant anymore..3adyy abchy faj2a if anyone mentions ur name..that's cus i love u and that's NOT BULLSHIT i swear! i know u never loved me and that's killing me.i wish u never lied to me i wish i never met u! happy that im broken? guess ur ok with it:') go ahead block me and run away.
faisal: i don't give a fuck.

ratouj: KHAL IYWALYY! may7is! remember when we saw him in avenues? he just stares he doesn't care let the bitch he loves make him happy. 6af ajwano
i smiled and hugged her. i couldn't ask for better friends:*

i went home happy thinking i'll get over him soon soon,next year no faisal in school so that's easy.



sorry it was short!xo

Chapter 24

i felt like i needed a break from everything..
i decided to switch off my phone for few days yimkin i feel better!
i switched my phone w 7asait ib ra7aa istanst it's felt good!!

khadamtyy dashait 3alayy!
pinky: mama says go down,your family here! zwara zwara
me: okkayy
3adalt sh3ryy w nizlt wila ashouf ib wayhe jassem..i was in a good relaxed mood so i smiled at him and he smiled back..ti3ashana together and everyone started laughing and talking! i just sat there looking at them,didn't feel like talking or anything.

faj2a noor tis2al: wain ur phone ajwann?
me: i switched it off for few days!
w gimt khathait telephone il bait w 6il3t ag3ad bil 7adee8a shwy before she gets the chance tis2al why!

dagait 3ala yasmine..
*yasmine: she's in my old school,bs kilish malha shi'3il ib a7ad! mat7ib il mashakil w it7ib il dirasa*
me: alu yasmino shlonich!
yasmine: hala hala:p 7amdila entay shlonich?
me: wala mit'6ayga my cousin iygoul *** 9ayreen yitkalmon 3aini w iy6al3oon kalam!:(
yasmine: LAAAAA shakooo! ma7ad yitkalam 3ainich! 9ayreen yitkalmon 3an Dana hathy!
*she made me feel so much better*
me: aham shay Dana al *****??
yasmine : ee lay6oufich shimsawya...
oo ga3dna insolif for hours! ba3dain sakrta awal ma lafait wila ib wayhe jassem.

me: hala jassem?
jassem: zain '6i7ktay 3a6teena wayhh:p
me: * i laughed*
jassem: it9adgeen ri7t this expo wila bint til7gne w yatle galati hi ana ismi fay al ***** 3ady as2lik so2al? ent cousin ajwan? chan agoulaha ee chan itgool wai3333 hathe ajwan il kil yitkalam 3ainha tara wa9kha! ana kint amshyy wyaha in school bs wakhrt 3anhhaa oo ashwa '3yrt her school, zain ma 6agat'ha 6rag gitlaha e7trmay nafsich w mishat! oo ashwa ma kint wiya rab3yy
me: *i laughed* kilish mu hamnyy!!!!!!:D jad i don't care bs tara ma3rifha w awal mara asm3 ib ismha ..* but i was dying in the inside,i don't even know this girl..how come galat chithyy 3aini? should i talk to her? oo shlon bo9alaha?:s*

ri7t seedaa dagait 3ala yasmine!
me: yasoom 6albtich
yasmine: shtabeen?-.- banaaam
me: abe ra8am fay al ******
yasmine: ******* hatha ra8mha oo tara ihya tamshy wiya fatima fa dirbalich!
*fatima used to be my bestfriend bs faj2a we stopped talking and she seemed like she hates me alot*
me: okk byee

so dagait 3alaiha and this what happens
me: hi fay! ana ajwan
fay: khair
me: awal shayy 3adlay isloubichh:* thane shay ana ma a3rfich wala it3rfeene shaku itgouleen chithi 7ag my cousin??
fay: ana hatha ilee sam3ta wallah! la7tha ur cousin shgalich?
me: galee ... * and i told her everything he told me*
fay: umbaii ajwan wallah la:o wallah jad la:o ana ilee gilta ina il kil yitkalam 3ainha bs ma gilt shay thane w ohwa gal khatwale!
me: umm fay his my cousin why would he lie?
fay: i have no idea:/ bs kil il banat iygouloon ohwa iychathib wayed
me: hmm! okk sim3ay ana mabeech titkalmain 3aini anymore li2ne la a3rfich wala it3rfeene oo ana ma hamne shnu ur friends ilee tamsheen wiyahom iygouloon 3ainii okk? bye
fay: ok bye

i felt strong for a minute! awal mara adafi3 3an nafsyy! i felt happy and sad at the same time.
happy cus daf3t 3an nafsy w ma khift!
sad cus madry who to believe :s they both seem like telling the truth..bs one of them is lying..

who do you think it is?
fay or jassem?
ask.fm/thepasthurts

Chapter 23

i looked up wila it's wahab!!!!:O
*reminder: wahab okhou my ex girlfriend ilee she's so mean w kharibt my life*
wahab said my name and looked at me..
i walked out oo rikbt il sayara! it was kinda weird:/ haven't seen him since 2010!

finally after 1 hour wi9lt il bait! salamt 3ala omii w ubooyy oo 9a3dt daryy!
ofcourse ma a3rif i don't check faisal's twitter lazem i stalk him!
faisal's tweets:
"law itrou7 yam il gomar atba3k ya a'3la bashar!"
i thought of stop stalking him! it's for the better!

dashait whatsapp wila ashouf il group dalool w raouj gargaa!
dalool: i hate saturdays
ratouj: ee 7ada-.- brb ana basawi sh3ryy straight
^a7ibhom wallah 3ajeebeen!

faj2a i get a whatsapp from a weird number!
someone: hala hala ib ajwan!
me: mnu?
someone: ana wahab;)
me: shtabe?
wahab: shfeech yal 8awiya?
me: la jad shtabe?? how did you get my new number??
wahab: i got it from ur friend ;p
me: wahab bye!!
wahab: if you block me shoufay shr7 asawyy feech

i felt fucked up madry shsawe! problems always seem to follow me..everywhere i go..7asait wedyy akasir my phone!!!!

me: okk wahab shtabe?
wahab: abe wa7da min ur friends ismha farah al *****
me: no way!
wahab: abeeha ya3ny abeeha
me: go talk to her ana shaku feek i won't help you..
*farah al ***** is one of the richest families in kuwait and you can say she's popular"
wahab: okk bye
i didn't answer and blocked him..

a week passed by and nothing changed.
faj2a i get a twitter mention from "someonesays"
mention: someonesays dear ajwan gitlich i will ruin your life. your done.

then i get a whatsapp from farah:
farah: entay mu kafu:* w 9ij laman galaw ile iymashy ajwan sim3ta tikhtirib
me: shsawatlich??
farah: entay tadreen,bye

first thing popped up in my mind was WAHAAAAAAB!!!!!!!!!!!!
i didn't want to talk to him so ma sawait shayy=( just sat there 7adyy mit'6ayga!

Chapter 22

this chapter is for you A:p
i woke up in such a bad mood! dagait 3ala omyy
me: alu hala yoma shlonichh?
mama: zaina w entayy?
me: zaina,yoma khal il driver iye yakhithne mabe ag3ad akthar bs malait!
mama: 3sa ma shar feech shayy?
me: la wallah yoma bs mishtagtlich
mama: khair :p
me: hehe yallah mama ashoufichh bye bye
sakart il kha6 w i got my bag ready gilt ag3ad shwy 3al ba7ar!
a group of boys passed by and all i heard was " ee hathy ajwan al flani ilee kanat ib ***"
i didn't even look backk. felt screwed up!

raju miss called me! that means wi9al:p
me: byee noor ana rada il bait!
faj2a jassim yi6la3 ib wayhe
jassem: wain wain?
me: rada il bait
jassem: min9ijich?
me: ee min9iji barid il bait mabe ag3ad
and i pushed him and walked off! i felt bad ina shloni treated him bs male khilg a7ad!!!

me: raju 7i6 99.7
awal ma 7a6ha wila one of my fav song is on! jessie j - who you are

"I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
"Why am I doing this to myself?"
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no..."

it explains me 7ail a7ibha!!!!!! male khilg amsik my phone so khalata ib my bag:p

nizlt starbucks bayeeb a drink before going home! wila ashouf some haters they gave me that stupid look..i didn't even look back oo ana 6al3a i bumped into...

Chapter 21

i decided ma anzil ou ag3ad ib daryy..
time was passing oo ana ga3da alone in my room oo asm3 music,thought of opening my askk to check itha fee new questions and i get:

ya7lalich im9a7ba your cousin=))
tara *** (name of my school) kilhom yadroun it7ibeen your cousin!
bitch gi6ee3aa!
khara feechhhhh=))
im9a7ba alf wa7id?
kaak m3indich rabi3

i just looked at the questions and didn't answer any..wow ana the new haba ib my old school?=)):s they started talking about me again? wai3 mara7 iykhaloone ib 7alyy khal asakir askk abraklee! i closed ask.

faj2a my friend whatsapp me! her name is latifa she's in my old school oo a3rifha since kg.
latifa: heyy ajwan umm please abeech itsa3deene..
me:shfeech la6ouf:o ee sure?
latifa: i lost all my friends in *** :( look bagoulich min awal shayyy..ana kint a7ib wa7id w ohwa hadne chan a9eer wiya his best friend w laman hadat his best friend 9irt wiya my cousin w 6il3 my cousin iy3rifhom both so hadne:( oo laman gilt 7ag my friends 9araw iygouloon wakhray 3anhom gitlhom i did bs ma 9adagoone ajwan please help ga3deen iy6al3oon rumours 3aini:( MABE IY9EER NAFS ILEE 9AR FEECH AJWAN HELPPPP!!
me: khala9 la6ouf haday haday:* mara7 iy9eer shay love bs tara entay ilee sawaitee '3ala6 w dont worry ana akalim ur friends w afhimhom may9eer iysawoon chithi bs la it3eedeen il '3ala6a enzain <3?
latifa: thankyou ajwan jad entay a true friend w ma tistahleen sh9ar wiyachhh;**

ri7t bakalim one of latifa's friends she was sweet oo nice oo kina friends her name is Asma
me: hala asma shlonich!
asma: hala feechh zaina youu?
me: 7amdila! asma shg3id iy9eer wiya latifa tara 7aram:(!
asma: laish ihya shagalt?
me: *gitlaha ishgalat*
asma: CHATHABA HATHYYY! ajwan wallah hathyy mitkalma 3ainich oo itgoul ana mit2kda 3ashan mishat wiya ajwan 9irt chithy w ka ajwan hatha prove shoufayyy *sending capture*
me: umbayy? okk thanks love

so i started a chat with latifa again..
me: latifa? 9idmtenee u said this w 7a6atay il siba foug rasy w ana bas2dich? oo a3rfich cham sina? bs what can i say '3air allah iysam7ich 6il3tay mu kafu!
latifa: la la walla fahmtne '3ala6!!! they forced me ajwan they did
me: LOL u want me to believe u? why would they force you? go away jad 6il3ay min 7ayaty! i had enough with u and ur fake friends:*
latifa: but dalal and asma galaw ina 9a7 kila min ajwan..
i just skipped her and blocked her from twitter and whatsapp.
she started annoying me and calling me, i didn't answer cus male khilg mashakil! ilee feeni kafeene:(

then i noticed asma and dalal blocked me from twitter&whatsapp too!
7asait everything was going wrong..7asait nothing ever went right..rumours 3ainyy again,i miss faisal,fake friends everywhere. i felt brave ina i still "fake a smile":(

i started crying until i fell asleep..

Chapter 20

ga3dt the next day at 10 with a smile on my face libst my training juicy w nizlt ta7t!

me: goodmorning jasseemmm!

jassem: goodmorning!

he didn't seem fine 7asait fee shayy..

me: jassem shfeek?

jassem: makuu

me: la adryy feek shayy goul goul shfeek?

jassem:tabeen inrou7 starbucks for breakfast w bakalmich ib salfa

me: okayy dokyyy

ga3dna ib starbucks w 6ilbt my drinkk! jassem ga3id jidamyy!

jassem: sim3ayy ajwan u remember shlon ib ur old school ma7ad iykalmichh oo shlon they hate you ? ana mu 8a9di ajri7ich wala shay ajwan oo mabe ashouf a tear bs entay tathkireen? oo il rumours w hal sowlif

me: ee..

jassem: well sim3ay lail7een yitkalam 3ainich oo makhtheen fikra 3ainich ou lail7een iygouloon bitch oo im9a7ba alf wa7idddd oo ilee yamshyy wiyach sim3ta mu zaina min hal kalam il zift!

me: okay ana barid il shalaihh;p

and i just walked away. day actually ruined. it's weird how they still talk about mee! not only them but other people too! like nearly all of kuwait and it's been 4 years now!!!!!! i lost MANY MANY friends from this! aku girls iykhafoon yamshoon wiyay iygouloon mabe sim3t'hom tikhtirib :s w il boys mu imkhaleene ib 7allyyy:'( .. should i kill myself? i would want to do it if it's not 7aram bs sadly it issss:( EVERYTHING SEEMS WRONG! it just does! i don't want to live but if i killed myself..madry should i? and i started going crazy thinking about killing myself!

theennn i got a whatsapp!

jassem: ajwan mara7 tanzileen il ba7ar ilyoum?

me: noo!

jassem: okk

i didn't feel like talking to anyone..7asait i just need a hug.

faj2a someone knocks the door!

me: mnuuu?

noor: ana noor ba6layy!

me: zain yaitayy:p? 

noor: LOL nizlay il ba7ar tara faisal minak wiya jassem w imnazleen il jetsss! 

me: afakir cus 7adyy daykhaa-.-

i wasn't really daykha bs ana mabe maly khilgg! ouu '6ayeg khilgyyy bs mabe awareeha ina feeni shayy cus kil my family say aksir il kha6ir w ma a7ibb a7ad iygoul chithyyy!