Chapter 20

ga3dt the next day at 10 with a smile on my face libst my training juicy w nizlt ta7t!

me: goodmorning jasseemmm!

jassem: goodmorning!

he didn't seem fine 7asait fee shayy..

me: jassem shfeek?

jassem: makuu

me: la adryy feek shayy goul goul shfeek?

jassem:tabeen inrou7 starbucks for breakfast w bakalmich ib salfa

me: okayy dokyyy

ga3dna ib starbucks w 6ilbt my drinkk! jassem ga3id jidamyy!

jassem: sim3ayy ajwan u remember shlon ib ur old school ma7ad iykalmichh oo shlon they hate you ? ana mu 8a9di ajri7ich wala shay ajwan oo mabe ashouf a tear bs entay tathkireen? oo il rumours w hal sowlif

me: ee..

jassem: well sim3ay lail7een yitkalam 3ainich oo makhtheen fikra 3ainich ou lail7een iygouloon bitch oo im9a7ba alf wa7idddd oo ilee yamshyy wiyach sim3ta mu zaina min hal kalam il zift!

me: okay ana barid il shalaihh;p

and i just walked away. day actually ruined. it's weird how they still talk about mee! not only them but other people too! like nearly all of kuwait and it's been 4 years now!!!!!! i lost MANY MANY friends from this! aku girls iykhafoon yamshoon wiyay iygouloon mabe sim3t'hom tikhtirib :s w il boys mu imkhaleene ib 7allyyy:'( .. should i kill myself? i would want to do it if it's not 7aram bs sadly it issss:( EVERYTHING SEEMS WRONG! it just does! i don't want to live but if i killed myself..madry should i? and i started going crazy thinking about killing myself!

theennn i got a whatsapp!

jassem: ajwan mara7 tanzileen il ba7ar ilyoum?

me: noo!

jassem: okk

i didn't feel like talking to anyone..7asait i just need a hug.

faj2a someone knocks the door!

me: mnuuu?

noor: ana noor ba6layy!

me: zain yaitayy:p? 

noor: LOL nizlay il ba7ar tara faisal minak wiya jassem w imnazleen il jetsss! 

me: afakir cus 7adyy daykhaa-.-

i wasn't really daykha bs ana mabe maly khilgg! ouu '6ayeg khilgyyy bs mabe awareeha ina feeni shayy cus kil my family say aksir il kha6ir w ma a7ibb a7ad iygoul chithyyy!

Chapter 19

guess chapter 18 isn't the last post 7ag 2012:p

yait noor oo her friends oo rikbna wiya il driver!
jassem ga3id jidam yam il driver ou ana bil'6ab6 wara!
jassem: rou7 shalaih babo
noor was so happy ina her friends ray7een wiyaha il shalaih ma kalimtne wayed kila wiya her friends-.-
it was kinda boring! oo aku one of her friends kila itkhiz jassem:/

finally wi9lna!!!!!!
ri7t foug w badalt to blue shorts w white shirt w nizlt
7assait ina biykoun boring madryy laish!
i tweeted : shalaih
faj2a alage whatsapp from joud
joud: entayy bil shalaih?:o
joud is one of my fav people in this world! she's so funny,pretty and so in love.
me: ee ee ta3alay 7ail malal:(
joud: la 7ada fashla!!!!-.- entayy ta3alay ana bs okhouy bil shalaih
me: okayy 20 mins w ayeech!

libst my toms w gilt 7ag noor barou7 7ag my friend and she said okayy kilish mu hamha:p
i went to joud's shalaih!
joud: a7medo ana batmasha wiya ajwan!
a7med: enzain bs laman adig 3alaich itrideen oo sa3a 10 entay bil shalaih fahma? ana rayi7 il gahwa
joud : okkk
it's so cute! abee okhoo kbeer:(
6ab3an sowlif joud kila 3an her love!!!! but it was so cute shlon it7iba w ohwa iy7ibha w lail7een maykalmoon ba3'6 they say it's early..
we got hungry minkithir ma mishana! ri7na mac kalaina w 6il3na! awal ma ba6alt il bab shift jassem wiya faisal w some guys in my school..
me: joud emshayy ibsir3aa w latlifeen wayhich
mishana 3al saree3 w joud then laughed at me shlon ikhtr3t!
i started thinking..umbayyy:O jassem w faisal friends? w both bil shalaih:O madryy shasawyy!!! khayfa iygoula shayy:( umbayy what if iygoula shayy! aw iy6ali3 7achy! okay 7ady mikhtar3a!
joud: yallah ajwan ana ray7a my shalaih
me: okayy byeee
i didn't even tell her ashoufich later or gi3day i was overthinking..madry shasawyy!!
dashait il shalaih ma kan fee '3air il khadama 7atan noor ma kanat-.-
i stayed ib my shorts oo shirt!
ga3dt a6ali3 tv oo maska my phone akalim my friends

faj2a jassem dash il shalaih he looked at me! a7is ma yabe iyshoufne w ma yabeene a9lan akoun wiyahom bil shalaih so i decided a6la3 ag3ad bara..ba6lt il bab
jassem: wain ray7a?
ana: batmasha
jassem: agoul gi3day bs gi3day it's 1
ana: so tara noor mu mini
jassem: adryy ray7a itnam 3ind her friend rawan omha tawa yait il shalaih
ana: ok shsawe ya3ny? ba6la3
jassem: ma tifhimeen entay?
3ndt w 6il3t for a second tithakart shlon ana w faisal use to fight oo shlon kan rasy yabis

ga3dt 3al ba7ar wila ashouf jassem beside me
jassem: entay wa7da 3needa w tara mane zafich ena kintay wiya faisal bs abeech tinsaina li2na mu khoush wa7id w ana akhaf 3alaich w entayy tadreen akhaf 3alaich w a7ibich 9a7 ajwan?
me: ee i'm sorry! *tears*
i'm the kind abchyy ibsir3a w 3ala ay sibab!!!
jassem: hey entay ya khara mabe ashouf dam3a! ma 3ash min z3lich w ana 7ayyy!!!
i smiled!
jassem: goulele sh9ar bil '6abt
we started talking w gitla kilshayy!
meanwhile i felt sleepy so gitla :yallah ana badish il shalaih w banam!
jassem: yallah goodnight!

faisal's shalaih kan yam shalaihna wila ashoufa ga3id bil balcony w shafna sitting together.. i just didn't care this time.

Chapter 18

Goodbye 2012
thankyou for the pain and lessons..
hello 2013
Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book. write a good one.
&don't ever think of looking back.
happy new year! enjoy it!!xo
guess it's my last post in 2012..


it was weird how he looked at me china imsawee shayy! awal ma 6il3t min il detention i checked my bag madryy 7asait ga6 a note or maybe something. i found..nothing.

i got a whatsapp from my cousin jassem
jassem: im3athil,jameel and his 17
jassem: shsalfat faisal madrstkom wa9elee khabar??
well ma gitlkom jassem iy7ibne w iykhaf 3alay w i don't keep secrets 3ala but i couldn't tell him i was in a relationship:/
me: shfee? hatha ib our school
jassem: kintay wiya ha?
i couldn't lie.
me: ee bs i did a mistake w many 3aydat'ha wallah:(
jassem saw it bs ma rad..
that was weird cus ohwa iyzif w 3a9abyy 7ail:/

faj2a omyy dashait 3alay!
mama: ajwano,noor itgoul rou7ayy sleepover 3indhom!
i just looked at her. i was kinda freaked out cus noor bint khaltyy ikht jassem.
mama: tabeen itrou7een wiya il driver wila agi6ich? cus ana w khaltich ray7een shopping.
me: la 3adyy yoma arou7 wiya il driver w barou7 starbucks shwy
mama: 5alaa9 zain

7a6at ib my bag 2 pjama's w a swimming suit cus 3indhom a huge pool
then my phone rings!
me: alo hala noor
noor: ajwano yibay wiyach training ba3ad binrou7 il shalaih for 5 days
me: enzain bs wiya mino?
noor: jassem w my 2 friends oo ba3ad my sister
me: okayy khaltyy mona mu yaya wiyana?
noor: ra7 til7agna 3gub bacher
me: okkk byee
sakrta w i got ready to go! ri7t gilt 7ag pinky itnade il driver!

chan ou9al bait khaltyy!:D
ma kan fee a7ad bil 9ala so gilt a93ad foug ashouf wain noor! 7atan noor ma kanat mawjooda:/
faj2a yi6la3 ib wayhe jassem! labis boxers!'.'
jassem: entay shitsaween mini?
me: shal isloub?
jassem: la jad shitsaween? noor ra7at itmour her friends wiya babo
me: ohh okayy! ana yaya wiyakom il shalaih
jassem looked at me and walked away china mu 3jba

nizlt ta7t w ga3dt bil 9ala! dagat 3ala noor 3ashan ashouf wainha galat she needs atleast 20 mins 3ashan to9al il surra!

Chapter 17

sorry for the late post!

this chapter is for someone special xo

jawa pulled me 3ashan itkalimne!

jawa:umbayyy madryy shfee faisal iykhizne chithi:$ iyanin:$

i just faked a smile.

jawa: bakalma w bajeeb rasaa!!!!!! w awarich bakoun 7abeebta!

i looked at her with a stare and walked away. shni'6amha?-.-

faj2a faisal came up to me and said ajwan would you skip class with me till hometime? boga 3 lessons!

me: eee okayy kilish malyy khilg sci

as me and faisal went to find a place to hide in we sat close beside each other!

and this what happens:

faisal: ajwan ana asif 3ala ilee sawaita bs ana a7ibich

me: ana ba3ad

faisal: ya3nyy imsam7tne?

me: ee akeed

faisal: remember laman 6i7tyy '3ashyana? tadreen ana wala mara ib 7ayatyy bichat 3ala bint? bs entayy '3air! ana abeech entayy w bss bala banat il madrisa bala hal kharabee6!

me: bs 7anan ent hadatnyy 3ashanha! u were cheating on me

*tears*

Retaj: GOUMAYYYYY! ajwan shfeech tabcheen??

*as i wake up i released it was just a stupid dream w ana ib 3rabyy w il istath yishr7 7ag nafsa:)*

me: retaj 7ilmt fee w kint ga3da as2ala laish he cheated!

retaj: bs ajwan bs! hatha shimsawi feech! khara fee! 

all i said was : enshallah

retaj: ee oo tara daloul 3indaha after school ta3alay nakhith may9eer inkhaleeha brou7ha!

me:fouga!

ga3dna in2athee il istath w ga6ana 3ala a ball until we got a afterschool! we laughed oo had fun for a while nisat ina i'm sad. that's why i love my friends<3

it's 2:35 oo lazem indish il after school detention ba3ad 5 mins..

w e7na dasheen chan..

mr.kevin: ajwan and dalal let faisal sit between you two!

i looked at dalool and retaj and giggled like nothing was wrong.

The detention is going to end in few mins w e7na kilna sakteen!

faisal: mr.kevin can i go to the bathroom?

mr.kevin said yes!

w awal ma rad faisal he looked at me china imsawee shayy..

Chapter 16

faj2a the name changes to "hanan"
she immediately started the chat:
hanan: wakhray 3ana FAISAL w a'6in entayy fahma?
me: ee
hanan: tff zbala
and she deleted me when i read it.
ma sawait shayy..
it was just the end of my second stupid relationship!
at this moment i regret EVERYTHING i have done. everything seems wrong,a lot of haters,people still call me a bitch. they have no respect to me and i have no luck in love! or let's just say IM JUST BAD LUCK. i started thinking..how come i'm just 15 and kil hatha ga3id iy9eer feeni? i'm not a happy person..
i went to bed w ga3dt in the dark afakir..that's what i do laman akoun mit'6ayga.
i felt like i'm never good enough for anyone.
felt stupid,leftout and more! sh3our 7ail 5ayisss!:)

the next day ga3dt w i got ready for school!
awal ma wi9lt retaj just stopped and looked at me..
me: shfeech?
retaj: ajwan entayy nayma w entay ga3id tabcheen? sh9ayir? SHAKLICH TA3BANA!
dalal: ee ajwan sh9ar 3ala faisal?
i just looked at them both and bursted into tears.
they both hugged me and made me feel better by saying stupid jokes hatha a7la shayy feehom mayhidoon il wa7id ila laman they feel better<3

deep inside i felt broken. i have the worst past anyone can have and the worst 2 relationships. that's when i started hating myself..sometimes i just wish i was never born.

it was break!
ana the type ma7ib akil in break madryy laish ma7ib! bs kint daykha w ratouj w dalool galouli i had to eat so kint ga3da akil pizza:') w amshyy wila ashouf faisal jidamyy ga6at il pizza 3ala dalal w mishat! retaj ga3dt ti'67ak!
retaj : maynoona entayy?
i blushed
dalal: get over him khal iywalyy!
dalal was right. i should forget him cus all he did was make me feel bad.

faj2a yait Jawa w sa7batnee chan itgoul abeech ib salfa!!!!...
(Jawa 15 mit7jba w wayed titlazag bil boys! w FAISAL HATES HER MUCH..)
me: okay 3an mnu?
jawa: faisal!!!!
....

Chapter 15

after few weeks..

things started to change a lot ya3nyy agoula i love you iygoule thanks or :* ..

this is when...

faisal tweeted "hr" is my everything&my one and only"

on instagram he posted a pic of a girl with red nailpolish on imsawya heart!

so i had an idea,i thought of going to his followers and see itha aku wa7da ismha "hr" as i was searching ratouj and dalool helped! we found an account "hanoon_alr_" w 7ada the pic he posted on insta,6ab3an her face doesn't show bs her hands and hair..i was shocked:O

*guys don't search this on twitter it's a made up account*

i wanted to cry but i didn't. dashait whatsapp and i started the chat..

me: hey faisal

faisal: hala

me: ish3ala mnu hathe hr?

faisal: wa7id min il rabi3

me: mu '3abiya ana u posted on insta w tweeted oh yeah and i found her on twitter!

faisal: sim3ay ajwan la tig3ideen itkharbi6een foug rasy! gitlich wa7id min il rabi3! ma tifhimeen? khara bilee iyfakir iykalmich! ana ma a5oun bs entay il '6aher mu kafu! yallah fileeha w thelfayy bye!

he didn't even give me a chance to talk!:'O

tears started falling that's when i believed i'm just bad luck in this world..

i started thinking why i'm i still living? why is this happening to me? what have i done wrong?

and it's true when they say overthinking kills your happiness :(

min il ta3ab w il tears i stayed in bed the whole day and my phone was off. i fell asleep..

the next day ba6alt my phone wila alga a bbm request from FaisalAl***** i was shocked:O cus faisal 3inda iphone mu blackberry..i accepted wila..

comment please! http://ask.fm/thepasthurts

Chapter 14

sorry for the late post guys xo


as i open ask i get:

'ajwan wakhrayy 3an faisal"

"ajwan i want you not faisal"

"AJWAN MAY7IBICH"

i just skipped and couldn't careless!
cause i know who faisal is and i really love him he helped me in alot of thimgs! he once fought with his friends for me! ma yirtha a7ad yitkalam 3aini

everything was fine until faisal stopped talking to me for DAYS!

here comes the pain..

then! i get family problems!:)

parents fight. father is cheating. mom in pain.

this is when EVERYTHING GETS WORSE!!!

after few days we lost our grandma min 9oub omyy:(

it was like nothing can get any worse..

so for 3 days i stayed at home 7ag 3aza w hal sowlif! ba3dain dawamt..at hometime that day kint ga3da alone cus madry wain my driver-.- w il madrisa kanat fa'6ya wila ashouf faisal waray galee ta3alay nitmasha shwy..iftarana bil madrisa chan iygoul: ajwan im so sorry ina mu ga3da akalmich bs im having family problems w adry ur grandma matat allah yir7ma w 3atham allah ajrich! 

my face had a stupid smile after few mins turned into tears! 

faj2a all i feel is a hug!! after that he cheered me up w gale it's okay w chithy! i went home sort of kind of happy..

everytime he does a mistake i just forgive him so easily cus i believe that he loves me and i love him! SOOO MUCHHH! w all i had in mind is that i'll never lose him i would lose anyone but him..

he meant everything to me..

and so we're back to school w 9irt ashouf ilee iy7iboona like every day-.- but in mind kilish mu mih'tama cus i trust him so much! and we've been together for like 5 months now! w 7AAAILLL MIT3ALGA FEE! he made me forget kilshay 9ar feeni and he always makes me smile! i couldn't ask for anything better. a hug made me 100% better!

one of the days i got a message from faisal saying: ajwan meet me bil meeting room maku a7ad and let's have our first kiss
i just refused and said NO,cus it's wrong..love isn't this way and it never was.

Chapter 13

...il ra8am kan '3areeb bs radait!

me: alu?

thick voice: ajwan? '3ayartay madrisa w 7abate mara wa7da? ma tit3alaman entay? 6oul 3omrich bit'6aleen..

*sakrta*

i bursted out into tears not knowing what to do..

i decided to tell ratouj&dalool w faisal

i told faisal and my bestfriends il salfa!

faisal said: ajwan ana walah mu gayel 7ag a7ad!!!!!:/

ratouj said: bs ajwan one of the girls in year 9 is with bader in a relationship and bader is ur ex bestfriend fa akeed galatla ena faisal ya w galina ni6la3 w bader ra7 gal 7ag ur ex?

i was speechless..

problems everywhere!

so me and faisal decided ina insawi nafisna mankalim ba3'6 in school! but he used to give me the cutest looks ever!

6ab3an banat our school mayteen 3ala w some iyrou7oon iysalmoon 3ala and i get so jealous-.-

months passed and it was summer..

no problems for few months and i was simply happy with my life!

faisal asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yess! i was waiting for this moment when gitla yes 6la3t min galbyy!!!! both of my bestfriends galaw we are like the cutest couples in school!

summer:

la7'6t faisal 7ail 3a9abyy w moody w 7asaita he changed! but my love for him didn't change..we started talking less! his twitter followers/following kila banat w ana i dont follow wala 9bay 3ashana bs i couldn't say anything..

and so this what happens in one of the summer days:

me: ana ray7a avenues wiya ratouj and dalool

faisal : ana rayi7 wiya a7med w hassan!

me: okayy see youu!

shifta minik w we both smiled at each other. our smile was stopped ib nafs il wagt kina shy! kan aku boys warana it3rfoon some of kuwaity guys laman yil7igoon-.- faj2a alga a7ad warayy 7ail lazig feeni w whispers "emshay asra3" it was faisal..kan im3a9ib laish la7geena w wa9lne to my drivers car w misha! that was the cutest thing ever! 

radait il bait '3asalt wayhe libst my pj's w jumped into bed miskt my phone..gilt khal adish ask minziman mu dasha..ask i open ask i see..

Chapter 12

heyy! abee a3rif cham readers i have please:( so if ur a reader dm me!xo hope you like thisss!

so radait il bait so happy my smile shaga wayhee:D ri7t directly foug to daryy w ga3dt asolif wiya faisal the day passed w the next day i told both of my bestfriends ina shnu galyy! they we're shocked:o 

-----

Retaj: ya zaga tadreen hatha faisal kil il banat yaboona?:o thgeel ma ya36ee wayh w yabeech?:o 7a'6ichh  *za8oom:$*

*i smiled*

dalal: ee ajwano! ish3ala it7ibeena haa?:p

-----

here is few things about my best friends:

Retaj is the funny one and naughty jaree2a w itha ga3dtaw wiyaha ra7 taf9iloon=)) she's kind and amazing! she helps me alot when i have a problem

Dalal tist7e marat! 7abooba:p she's amazingg!! iygouloon tishbahnee 7ail! some people think e7na sisters:o

-----

dalool: bacher sports day!!!!!!

retaj: wai3 mane yaya male khilg:/

me: umbayy ta3alay khal nistanis-.-

retaj: ee entayy ray7a 3ashan faisal adryy:p

-----

next morning:

ga3dt 7ail mistansa sawait sh3ryy libst short w a yellow shirt! my fav colour and faisal's too! ri7t marait dalool w marait ratouj '3a9bin 3alaiha bityee cus kilish mu wanasa bidounha! ba3dain ri7na starbucks 6ilbna w wi9lna school! ma kan fee wayed nass:/ anyways ri7na il mal3ab w we played some events!

ba3dain 7asait ib doukha w ta3bt cus mu makla 3adil w 7ail 7aaar:/..

faj2a all i hear is banat w faisal w mudarseen ga3deen iy9ar5oon!

girls: goumay ajwaan AJWAAN SHFEECHH!

faisal: shfeeha shfeeha sh9ar?

teachers: guys back off lets take her to the hospital 

ga3dt bil hospital wila ashouf teachers and students all around me! some girls crying..il teachers galaw we will sit in the cafe shop and wait you guys! ajwan you'll go out after 2 hours and ur parents are coming! awal ma il teacher ra7aw faisal said: banat 3adyy bs ag3ad 5 mins bakalim ajwan..

everyone went out the room and started gossiping 

*cute*

*umbayyy 9ij iy7ibhaa*

*waay iyshawgoon together*

faisal misk eedyy ilee 7a6en il drip feeha and said:

ajwan sh9ar? are you ok? ana mu gitlich eklayy?

me: sorry:( 7ady daykha w rasyy iy3awirne:( w ma 7asait ib nafse

faisal tears came down his face and he said : khara3teene 3alaich ma tadreen shkithir khift! as faisal reached to kiss my hand..

faj2a my friends dashaw w galaw ur parents kahum yayeen! 

*6afaw 2 hours w radait il bait*

ma miskt my phone wayed cus 7ail kint daykha!!

and so i started thinking:

iy7ibne? ee 7ail iy7ibne! awal mara 9bay yabche for me:o umbayy shlon misak eedyy:( he really doesn't care what people say or think about me and thats so cute:( jad rayal!!

faj2a my phone rings..

chapter 11

sorry guys! my old account @ mydarkpast got hacked and i just stopped writing:( but tawne sawait new account w enshallah kil my followers w readers iyridoon! my bestfriend/brother that means the world to me is helping me out his name is wahab! heyy there wahab:*

so well as you know i changed schools awal shayy i didnt make a lot of friends:/ but everyone seemed nice! faisal was just amazing kilyoum in school he passes by and says hi!
every girl in school thinks his hot and loves him:/ i didn't blame them! li2na jad jameel w he has the best personality and helps everyone out!
first term passed and i started loving my school a lot my grade was fun and naughty.
it was a thursday and i was in class!  i got a whatsapp from faisal saying "ajwan ta3alay il sci lab at hometime" so i told my bestfriends i have to go get my books from the sci lab,ma 7abait agoul 7ag a7ad! dakhalt il sci lab wila alga faisal sitting so ri7t and im like..
me: hello! *so shy*
faisal: hala ajwan! tara ana 7ab agoulich shayy..
me: okayyy?
faisal: ana min awal ma kalamtich 7abaitich entayy bint '3air il bint w kil ilee u went through u still smile everyday..
me: *ma tikalamt i was just to shy to say anything*
faisal: khala9 ajwano akalmich whatsapp yallah la tit2akharain 3ala ur driver!
me: okayy byee!
rikabt il sayara i started thinking! do i feel the same way or is it just a stupid crush? bs may9eer a7ib ilee 9ar feeni mu shwy! what if he was just playing? no no way i trust him..i just don't knoww..

chapter 10

sorry i was kind of busy! here's chap 10;
ok so i have no choice but to change schools:) its not a big deal since i have no friends left in my school right now so it wont be like i was letting go of something huge or anything. i kept thinking until i suddenly found the sun in front of me, apparently i slept while i was thinking , i kept thinking of which school to go to , i couldn't think of any school to go to except a few and i didnt really wanna go to any other school since all the teachers in my school know me and i'm a good student here, i don't want to work really hard again to prove that i am a good student. so i decided on a school to go to and for some reason i felt the urge to call fai9al. if i call what should i say? should i tell him i decided on a school?
ok lets give this a try who knows he might give me more advice
*ringing*
me:alu
fai9al:alu , la7tha shabab ba6la3 bara shway
me: sorry if im disturbing u
fai9al: la 3adi bs bashray, did u decide what your going to do?
me: ee i5tart aroo7 *** since no one from that school has spoke to me about the roumers
fai9al: 7ilfaaay! thats my school! i guess im gonna be seeing u alot!:D
*ok i don know why but i was kinda excited when he said he is gonna be seeing me alot*
me: yaaay! yallah bye bagool 7ag oomi ba3dain adig 3alaik oo agoolik ish9aar:D
fai9al: ok bye for now
me: looool bye for now!
*hangs up* ok talking to him was comforting i made me feel less lonely , i feel he is the only person that cares, im not falling in love with him cuz i dont know him!
so ri7t 3ind oomi oo gitlaha oo galatli itha hatha ili birayi7ni then yes she will change my school.
at this moment i was really happy, fai9al was part of my happiness and also the thought that all the roumers that are going on about me are going to stop. i hope going to a new school meant starting a new life....

chapter 9

me: alu *shaky voice*
.....: alu ma3ay ajwan alflani
me: ee minu ma3ay?
......: i5ti ana fai9al alflani
me: tfathal o5ooy shba'3ayt
fai9al: i heard about your story oo rab3ee galoali inich bit*h oo dazoali captures of msn chats where u tell people inich ga** bs adri ina moo 9ij cuz this sort of thing happened to my sister oo i just wanted to help u
me: thank u but what can u help me with?
fai9al: add me on bbm oo agoolich
me: umm
fai9al: adri inha shwaya 8awiya bs wallah i just wanna help u please?
me: ok pin: ******** (i added him because i had no choice and i needed all the help i could get)
fai9al: ok bye , il7een asaweelich add
me: bye
*he hung up*
*on bbm*
fai9al: hi
me:hi
fai9al: ok look when my sister had these troubles first of she started off by not caring and continuing because bullies hate it when the person they are trying to hurt isnt getting hurt
me: im already hurt , im hurt so much all i wanna do is die!
fai9al: ajwan just relax, shoofay 3ogoub chthi if they didnt stop you go to the head teacher ib you school.
me: done that and things got worse after i spoke to her
fai9al: ok a5ir 7al 3indich is ina u change schools because trust me if u stay in your and act like you are sad they will keep hurting u because bullies like to see there victims in pain
me: bs wayn aroo7? all of kuwait knows!
fai9al: change schools trust me , my sister did it oo everything stopped:)
me: ok ra7 akalim my parents about this..
( i didn't know if i should trust him! yimkin ohwa ba3ad wa7id minhom..but he is the only one yigdar iysa3idnee i guess:(

chapter 8

i got home and saw that i had 23 bbm's  , 14 whats app's and 3 text messages
i was surprised since no one ever sends text messages anymore:p they were from three unknown numbers and they all asked the same weird question "9ij g**ba? cham illayla?" i was shocked so then i looked at whats app they were all the same question!!! i was so scared, so i opened bbm to see if it explained whats going on and to my luck it did:D i had 17 requests from guys i dont know and bbm's from my friends and from my cousin, i looked at my friends and they almost all said the same thing "we knew that you are a bi*ch"and "we shouldn't have forgiven u" and "did u sleep with wahab 3ashan ygool that he did the roumers when they were actually true"*i started crying* did people actually think that about me:'( i'm not what they say i am ! why are they doing this to me:'( i cried harder and harder each second , i decided to switch my phone but when i closed the bbm app i saw that there was a conversation i hadn't read so i re opened it to see what it said , it was my cousins chat and it had 3 picture i looked at them and i was about to die from a heart attack. They were msn chats with 3 guys and the email was my email. the chats went like this:
me: hi baby<3
guy: hi:s
me: im a bad bi*ch and i want a great night and my price is cheap
guy: ahalich moo 3arfeen yraboonich agool roo7ay 3ind a7ad moo mitrabi nafsich oo saway hal ashya2 wiyaa moo wiyaay
me: ok bs gool 7ag rab3k 3ani;)
guy: bye
me: bye 7abeebi<3
here i screamed on the top of my throat oo everyone in the house came to my room and looked at me like im crazy, i said i had a really scary nightmare ,they all left my room and i was still so scared then my phone started ringing and again it was an unknown number , i answered
me: alu *shaky voice*
.......: ..............


sorry 3al bad words x
http://ask.fm/mydarkpast

chapter 7

i found out who made up these roumers about me but i'm still scared , he gave me an evil smile which meant he was up to something but today is finished and tomorrow wahab will go up in front of the whole school and say that the roumers are fake and thats good because maybe people will stop annoying me now. i slept peacefully for once instead of crying myself to sleep.
Mary: jay wake up jay!! its 7 0'clock you will be late!!!!!!
me: ok ok mary go outside and i will get ready!!! *really annoyed because i don't like being woken up*
Mary: no, you get up then i go outside!
me: ok ok i'm up happy? now GET OUT!!!!!!!
Mary: yes i am happy *cheeky smile*
so i got up went to the bathroom did my business and at 7:30 i was in the car waiting for raju to take me to school, i was happy for once because i knew i would be getting my friends back:p
i got to school and for a start i was walking alone, waiting for the morning bell to ring so that wahab would tell the whole school that they are roumers. it seemed like forever before it rang but now it finally rang and people were lining up waiting for the head teacher to come dismiss each year group. the head teacher stood in her place and called wahab to come out and he said this: hey guys i have an confession to make, i made up the roumers about ajwan alflani and she is not to blame, all i was trying to do is protect my little sister.
The head teacher smiled at him and said: your suspension starts tomorrow
after we were dismissed and we got to class our and my friends came up to me apologized and said they were sorry that they thought i would do such a thing and they were sorry they weren't there for me when i needed them . i forgave them since im a very forgiving person oo i dont like holding grudges on people.
the past by well oo i was really happy that i got my friends back so i thought nothing could ruin this day,nothing until i got home.......

chapter 6

wahab: i made them!

ok now im seriously shocked! what does he have to do with this?:S wahab is the brother of my ex's new girlfriend:p he's the kind of boy that plays hard to get but everyone knows that he's a player.

head teacher: i would like to see u and ajwan in my office immediately!

*we both headed to her office* on our way there he kept giving me dirty stares:) we got to the head teachers office before the head teacher so we sat and waited.it was really quiet and awkward 

me: 3adi as2lik so2al?

wahab: im listening....

me: why did u make them up?

wahab:because..

the head teacher walked in and we were silent again.

head teacher: ok wahab spill it..

wahab: i have a few things to say, first of all it was all her mistake, no one told her to keep loving her ex after they broke up, second she is my little sister, its my job to protect her and do anything to make sure she is safe and as far as i know she hurt my little sister so i did what i had to do to make sure she learnt her lesson and didnt hurt my sister again.

me: shaku i hurt her? shim2alfa 3alayk i5tik? i still love my ex and she didnt like it so she started hurting me , all i did was ignore.

head teacher: so u admit to the roumers you made up?

wahab: yes i admit and im ready for my punishment.

head teacher: since you admit i wont give you a very rough punishment.

wahab: i accept any punishment

head teacher: you will get 3 day suspension and you have to stand in my announcement place and tell everyone that you made up these roumers about ajwan

wahab: ok, i will do it *looks at me and give me an evil smile*

wow is wahab really gonna do it? is he gonna give up this easily? he must be behind something because he gave me an evil smile.........

chapter 5

me: It all started when i fell in love with this guy in my class called ******. we were in a relationship for a while but then he suddenly left, a few weeks later i found out that he was in a relationship with someone else. since that day his new girlfriend hasn't stopped annoying me and you can also say that she bullied me. she name called me , pushed me around and made a fool of me in front of everyone. I just ignored her and moved on, a couple of days after that everyone was avoiding and no one wanted to speak to me so i asked my best friend what was going on and she told me that people are saying i had 3 other boyfriends at the same time i was with my boyfriend. At that moment i was shocked because even she refuses to talk to me so that her reputation wont get ruined. Again i ignored and thought that people will forget and let it go but when i got home i saw that everyone was talking about it on social networks such as twitter, Facebook and bbm. then i cried my pain out , as i was crying my cousin called me and told me that i had ruined the reputation of this family and he believes what is being said and that made me sure that people wont forget and that it was what everyone in kuwait is talking about.
head teacher: do u have any proof that she is the one that made up these roumers about u ?
me: no but she is one of my only haters so i'm positive that she did it.
head teacher: now you go back to class and at first break i will come out and make an announcement for someone to own up, if someone owns up then he shall be severely punished , if no one owns up then i will have to punish each year group separately until someone owns up.
me: ok thank you miss , this really means a lot to me because nothing means more to me than my reputation.
head teacher: its my job to keep this school running smoothly.
*i left her office and headed to class*
the lesson's passed by and now is first break so its time to see who made up these sick roumers about me:D, but before i was able to find i had to walk alone until break finished:(.happily timed passed by quick and now break finished and the head teacher came out and stood in her usual place and said: there have been roumers going around about some students in school and im sure you all know who im talking about , so to avoid getting your friends in trouble the person who made up these roumers should be brave and own up so that he can be put through minor punishments.
............: i made them
OMG! it cant be:O

chapter 4

when i entered my mum's room she saw that i was down so that first thing she did was say"yuma ajwan shfeech? laish za3lana?"

me:yuma moo za3lana bs mitwahga moo 3arfa shasawi:(

mum: laish sh9ayir?

me:yuma ana 7abayt wa7id oo ohwa ga9 3alay oo gali ina y7ibni oo ina we will be together forever oo 7achi fathi ana 9adagta oo we broke up 3 months ago oo now 7abeebta il yideeda im6al3a 7achi 3ani oo the whole school believes it oo no 6ila3 il 7achi bara il school oo almost all the teenagers in kuwait are talking about it.

mum:shgalat 3anich?

me:galat 7ag everyone ina i was in a relationship with three other guys in the same time i was with my boyfriend oo yuma il madrisa kilha im9adga:'( 7ata mariam im9adga:'( oo 7amani dag 3alay ilyoum oo zafni oo gali ina 5arabt sum3at il 3ayla oo ina he believes that i did what they say i did:'( yuma ma buga a7ad on my side:'( *crying hardly*

mum:7abeebti ajwano latza3leen nafsich , allah isma7hom oo il dinya dawara bs be sure that the people who stand by your side in a time like this are the people that are truely your friends.

me: inzain yuma bitgooleen 7ag oobooy?

mum: la 7abeebti la ingoola a7san li2ana ma ra7 yifham oo byzifich oo he wont trust u anymore, 5ali sir bayni oo baynich oo youm il a7ad ana ayee ma3ach il madrisa oo baroo7 akalim il nathra 3ashan we solve this problem.

me: ok yuma mashkoora wallah for listening to me and not shouting at me for doing what i did.

mum: ana ma zafytich cuz i went through what your going through oo adri that u dont need your parents shouting at u for a mistake u did and no one is perfect so everyone makes mistakes that we learn from.

me: wallah a7bich yuma<3 allah la yi7rimni minich

*i went back to my room*

checked my phone and didnt see anything except people gossiping about me. i decided to try to try to talk to my friends but non of them answered me:(. the days passed and today is sunday, the day where my mum came to school with me to talk to the head teacher. she parked the car , i went and sat alone while she went to the head teachers office. the bell rang which indicated that we had to line up. i went to class but heard the head teacher say : ajwan alflani please head to my office. when she said that every one looked at me like what else could u have done? i headed into the head teachers office and she said "ajwan tell me in detail what happened and who you think did this"

me:............

chapter 3

I got home and saw this on twitter:

“umbaay bawareeha hal bi*ch”

“ma tisti7i 3ala wiyiha?”

“maloomha! Omha oo oobooha ma 3rifaw yraboonha”

“kaaaaak maskeen tamshi broo7a ilyoum ib break”

“shiftaw ajwan? Tabi itwareena inha baree2a=))”

ihni ana wu9alt 7adi , moo kafi ina its in my school, now its on twitter, Facebook, bbm , msn kil shay:’(. I have to tell someone about this or its just gonna get worse!!!

I started think who I was going to tell when suddenly my phone rang, I just ignored it cuz I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. it kept ringing for half an hour so I thought it might be something serious! I picked up.

Me: alu *weak voice*

My cuzin (7amani): intay shimsawya?

Me:shswayt?

7amani: ba3ad tis2ileen?

Me :………

7amani: 5arabtay suma3t il 3ayla kilha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: I didn’t do anything:’( wallah ma sawayt shay *started crying* they r roumers:’(

7amani: sorry ajwan bs magdar a9adgich until I see proof in front of me that u didnt do what all of Kuwait is talking about.

he hangs up

great! Just great! Now even my family members hate me! When I closed the phone I saw that my msn had signed out because someone else had signed in on a different device. I tried signing in and it did but what I saw was unbelievable. My msn was full of guys I don’t even know and my pm was come get me boys. Ok now I was furious, how sick does a person have to be to do all this to a person!!

The only thing I wanted to do was tell someone……. My mum..

chapter 2

i woke up thursday morning depressed, i thought i had lost everything i ever owned , i thought i could never love anyone after him, but oh well today is thursday so i have school and i have to get ready. I got to school late and went to class, every where i went i felt like people were trying to avoid me.i got fed up of being ignored so i went to my best friend Mariam and asked her whats wrong and this is what she told me "intay shinu? shloan yaaya il madrissa oo intay imsawya ili imsawyita? dont u feel guilty at all?"
me: ana shimsawya :s?
mariam: ba3ad tis2lieen ha so2al?
*popular girl passes by and mariam is quiet chinha moo gaam it7acheeni*
me:*tearing up* mariam plz goleeli sh9ayir!!!
mariam: u really dont know?*surprised*
me: know what?
mariam: ajwan the whole school knows that u were cheating on your boyfriend with 3 other guys and they asked the guys and the guys said yes that you were together.
me: WTF? Mariam you acctually believe that?*starts crying*
mariam: im sorry ajwan! i shouldent be talking to u cuz mabi sim3iti ti5tirib:( and right now i do believe it cuz i have no proof that it isn't true
*mariam leaves me and im left alone*
i walked the whole break alone, everywhere i went people were giving me dirty stares and pointing and gossping about me , at this point i was burning on the inside , i wanted to know who started these roumers about me.The first person i thought of my ex's girlfriend.
she hated me and she hated the fact that i still had feelings for my ex so im sure she wanted to get me back.
its finally 2:30 and not a single one of my friends had spoken to me all day.
i got home , picked up my phone and guess what i saw.......

and so you decide to read my blog? well this blog isn't all about love! it's about problems and how things are ruining my life..about my dark past&about my haters.

I'm Ajwan and i'm only 15 years old..enough about me..keep reading!

Jan/2010-   so it all started with "love"& "relationship" it's what all of us do! 

i started loving this guy that seemed perfect to me but he sure wasn't..i was his girlfriend for 10 months but then? he says he doesn't love me anymore. I knew love wasn't right but yeah oh well.After few weeks i knew he had a girlfriend! she was like the "popular girl in school" sowlif i'll madaris-.- everyone was her friend:/ faj2aa she started annoying me w started thinking ina i still have feelings for my ex..well she was right! i still had feelings i couldn't  just forget him!

On March 2010 she asked all my friends if i still had feelings for him..few months after the break up! and some where so fake galoolaha ina i did:) all she said was "ana awareeha" she didn't really scare me..but when i knew that she went and told the whole school some bad things about me! they call it "rumors"..

the story just begins..